A Tanabata Carol
by Aurorawhisperwind
Summary: Our beloved RK characters in a memorable rendition of ‘A Christmas Carol’ Will the cold Saitoh Hajime see the truth and beauty of love? Can the ghost of his fellowslasher Okita Souji show him the way? Please R and R!
1. Scene 1

**Aurora Whisperwind:** This idea is not mine! My brother is the master idea giver! But he's too lazy to write anything, so… anyway, read on for a Meiji version of 'A Tanabata Carol'!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters. I also do not own 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens. Thank you.

* * *

Title: A Tanabata Carol

Characters:

Saitoh Hajime

Narrator(s)

Kenshin Himura, Saitoh's clerk

Ghost of Okita Souji

Tokio Takagi

Kaoru Himura, Kenshin's wife

Yahiko Himura, One of their first born twins

Yutaro Himura, the other twin

Kenji Himura, their second born

Sanosuke Sagara, the family gambler cum trouble maker cum bad influence

Megumi Takani, flirtatious fox doctor

Misao Makamachi

Aoshi Shinomori

Random people

Random couples

And so…

Scene 1

Sappy violin Music Clock strikes three times. Music continues. At its climax, a door opens out of nowhere.

Saitoh: (barking) Stop it, stop it, I say! (Glares at authoress) Why am I talking like Himura?

Authoress: Cut! Shut up Saitoh and just read your lines, will you?

Saitoh: Grrrrr….all right.

Scene 1, take 2

Sappy violin Music Clock strikes three times. Music continues. At its climax, a door opens out of nowhere.

Saitoh: (barking) Stop it, stop it, I say! (Music stops) Get away from here. We'll have no crappy music here. Understand me! No sappy music! (Looks to his left) And you two ahous; get a room will you?

Guy: (breaking away) A Happy Tanabata to you

Saitoh: Get away, I say.

Girl: No need to wish him a Happy Tanabata. That's old Saitoh.

Saitoh: All right, that's it! Which ahou wrote these crap lines? I am not old!

Authoress: Cut! Keep that, we'll just edit a little. Saitoh…will you just read your lines?

Saitoh: (Storming off stage to get his makeup repaired, cursing) Yes.

Authoress: That's right, now we all agree right?

Music: More sappy violin music and some piano added to it.

Narrator: Yes, that's old Saitoh (gets gatotsued)

Authoress: Oh dear, well we need a new narrator.

A few minutes later.

Narrator#2: (shivering uncontrollably) Yes, that's Saitoh, Saitoh Hajime. It is the afternoon before Tanabata day in some crap Meiji year. 1800 something… Well, because of the beautiful spring weather, all of Japan is in a mushy mood. But there's no romantic expression on Saitoh Hajime's lined, well faintly lined face as he closes the front door of his Police station and returns to his office. (Music stops) He throws a glowering look at his clerk, Kenshin Himura. Satisfied that the poor wretch is hard at work, Saitoh takes out his cigarette. Then, without warning…

Sound: Door opens. Sounds of someone crashing and falling.

Authoress: Cut! Who put those cables in the way?

Saitoh: (Sniggers)

Authoress: Give us a minute, will you. Narrator, start saying something.

Brief interval.

Take 2!

Sound: Door opens.

Tokio: A Happy Tanabata, darling! God save you!

Saitoh: Bah! Get out of my office! And Tanabata isn't till tomorrow!

Tokio: Surely you don't mean that, love?

Saitoh: Happy Tanabata indeed? What right do you have to be happy?

Tokio: What right do you have to be dismal? Unless, of course, you forget to bring me flowers… (Looks murderous for a second, causing Saitoh to edge away nervously for a minute)

Saitoh: You do understand that this is just a stupid movie, right?

Tokio: (Smiling) Oh yes, pookie! (Holds out arms) I'm sorry!

They embrace.

Everybody on the set: Aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww!

Authoress: Uh, cut?

Tokio goes back to her position.

Saitoh: (whispering) Kenshin, do you have any flowers I can borrow?

Kenshin: umm…let me see…

Authoress: And action!

Saitoh: Happy Tanabata indeed? What right do you have to be happy?

Tokio: What right do you have to be dismal?

Saitoh: What's Tanabata time to you but a time for paying for flowers without money; a time for finding out that the prices of candy have sky rocketed? If I had my way, every ahou who goes around making out shamelessly on the streets and later explaining with a 'Happy Tanabata' should be boiled in his own candy and buried with his own flowers. You keep Tanabata in your own way, and let me keep it in mine.

Tokio: I came here to ask you to spend the day with me.

Saitoh: (flatly) No! (Looks nervously at Tokio)

Tokio: (Looking highly affronted) but I want nothing from you, sweetie, other than your company. (Pause) Won't you change your mind and have dinner with me?

Saitoh: Good afternoon, Tokio.

Tokio: A Happy Tanabata.

Saitoh: Good afternoon, Tokio.

Tokio: And a happy- happy- (Starts sobbing and runs off set)

Saitoh: Tokio! Come back! It was just an act, honey! (Looks at Kenshin) I'd really appreciate it if you can get me some flowers now…

Kenshin: (Producing a big bunch out of his magical pink Gi) here you go.

Saitoh: (Nodding in thanks and running off after Tokio) Here, I have flowers! Don't you lock yourself up! Open up, Tokio!

Authoress: I think we should just leave it at that for today…

* * *

Aurora Whisperwind: Whadya think? Next scene, Saitoh turns away a Good Samaritan and how does Kenshin ask for a day off? Read and review please! 


	2. Scene 2

**Aurora Whisperwind:** Oh wow, what nice reviews! Thank you so much, you guys! Here's chapter…er-scene 2!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters. I also do not own 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens. Thank you.

* * *

Scene 2

Music: A brief bridge, up and out.

Kenshin: er, pardon me, Mr. Saitoh, but there's a gentleman here to see you. (Whispering) Mister? You'd better watch your step, Saitoh.

Saitoh: What the heck's _your_ problem? You always go around respecting every moron in the universe anyway.

Kenshin: I only respect people I like or don't know. Not my enemies.

Saitoh: Shut up Kenshin, and stick to the script!

Kenshin: (Pouting) I'm not going to stick to it if I have to grovel like a slave…

Saitoh: You grovel like a slave before Tanuki, right? This shouldn't be hard.

Kenshin: Lay off Kaoru-dono! She has nothing to do with this! And if hadn't given you those flowers, you would have died! Killed by that freakish woman who happens to be your wife!

Saitoh: That's it, you little red-haired girly man, you're dead!

Kenshin: Catch me if you can, loser! Muhuhahahahahahahahahaha!

Authoress: Alright, break it up people. Kaoru, stop your red-haired freak, will you? And who put sedatives in his coffee, huh?

Kaoru: Come on Kenshin, stop running! That's it, if you don't stop now, I'll make you do Sano's laundry!

Brief interval, punctuated with screams and pounding feet, topped with Kaoru's insane laughter.

Scene 2, take 2!

Music: A brief bridge, up and out.

Kenshin: (back to his normal self, though slightly more sober) er, pardon me, Mr. Saitoh, but there's a gentleman here to see you.

Saitoh: What about, Himura?

Kenshin: He didn't say, sir.

Gentleman: Ah, Good afternoon, sir. Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr. Souji or Mr. Saitoh?

Saitoh: Mr. Souji, my former partner has been dead for a long time. He died years ago this same night.

Backstage, Okita: Aaaawwww, he remembered when I died!

Gentleman: Then I have no doubt that his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner.

Saitoh: (Mumbling) you little beast! Even in death you manage to ruin my life! First that pig and now your supposed 'liberality'. (Out loud) What do you want?

Gentleman: At this festive season, Mr. Saitoh, we try to make some slight provision for the destitute. Many thousands of poor people who've been pushed into boiling candy by their respective Tanabata dates and miraculously survived need our help.

(Pause)

Gentleman: Christ, what kind of stupid charity is this? Boiled in candy? I thought we were supposed to show him how wonderful Tanabata is, not that he _could_ be boiled in candy!

Authoress: Cut! Don't complain, will you? This ain't Christmas! In my defense, it was hard! That's all you'll be getting from my pathetic imagination!

Kenshin: I have a better idea for a charity…

Saitoh: I don't think getting beaten unconscious by an insane bokken wielding Tanuki is a reason for you to have a charity for it.

Kaoru: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?

Crash. Thud. Groan.

Saitoh: On second thought, it's a great idea…

Kenshin: Oroooooooooooo…..

Kenshin fan club: Woooooooo! He said it!

Authoress: Cut! Control yourself, Kaoru! Get those girls out of here! And I have a better idea…

Take 3!

Saitoh: What do you want?

Gentleman: At this festive season, Mr. Saitoh, we try to make some slight provision for the destitute. Many people who've lost their loved ones are alone and homeless on the streets.

Saitoh: I see, so what?

Gentleman: How much should I put you down for, Mr. Saitoh?

Saitoh: Nothing.

Gentleman: (Puzzled) Nothing?

Saitoh: Exactly! Let these deserving people of yours go get a life on their own. I'm not going to go around sympathizing with every fool who's 'lonely' I'm very busy right now. And it's really stupid to come ask for charity in Police stations, you know. A good afternoon to you.

Gentleman: (Quietly) Very good, Mr. Saitoh. A very happy Tanabata to you.

Sound: Door opens and closes.

Saitoh: There he goes with the Tanabata crap again!

Kenshin: er, Mr. Saitoh, sir.

Saitoh: Well, what is it, Himura?

Kenshin: I was wondering-

Saitoh: You were wondering if you could go home.

Kenshin: Yes sir. It's getting late.

Saitoh: (with unexpected sympathy) Poor man. Of course you can go. Tanuki will have your blood otherwise.

Authoress: Cut! Saitoh!

Saitoh: What? Come on, he has the worst fate in the world! Going home to that insane- Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! (Hides, or tries to hide behind Kenshin)

Kaoru: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…………

Authoress: Um… stop that! Someone distract Kaoru!

Megumi: I'll attend to that. Ohohohohohohohoho!

Brief interval again. Ignore all those violent sounds.

Take 4!

Kenshin: er, Mr. Saitoh, sir.

Saitoh: Well, what is it, Himura?

Kenshin: I was wondering-

Saitoh: You were wondering if you could go home.

Kenshin: Yes sir. It's getting late.

Saitoh: Oh yes, go on. You'll want all day tomorrow, I suppose?

Kenshin: If it's quite convenient sir.

Saitoh: It's not convenient, and it's not fair.

Kenshin: It's only once a year, sir.

Saitoh: A poor excuse. I suppose you must have the whole day. But be here all the earlier the next day, understand?

Kenshin: Yes sir. Happy Tanabata!

Saitoh: There you go again, with the Tanabata rubbish.

Kenshin: Isn't it kinda weird, me wishing you?

Saitoh: Yes, it is. It almost sounds like- Wait, don't even think about that.

Kenshin: (brightly) Ok. (More somber now) I guess I have to go home then. Why couldn't you refuse to let me go home? You could have made some excuse!

Saitoh: Because there is no decent reason for keeping you overnight in the office, ahou. What would people think?

Kenshin: (Eyes widening to the size of saucers) Oroooooooooooo!

Authoress: Cut! Cut I say! Are you guys insane? We're not filming a Yaoi sequence, you know! Sort that out in the privacy of the dressing room! Let's edit the last scene. That's all for today.

Kaoru: (Facing Tokio) did you-?

Tokio: Nope.

A little away, Kenshin and Saitoh are trying to explain to Sano. It's going to be a long night of explanations.

Good bye for the present! This fic is rated T, not M!

* * *

Ha! Kenshin and Saitoh, that's ridiculous! Slightly longer chapter now. Next scene, the ghost of Okita Souji makes an appearance.

Thanks to everyone who's reviewed! Lolo popoki and Rurouni-maxi, what will I do without you guys? Read and review, please.


	3. Scene 3

**Aurora Whisperwind:** Hiya! Another Thursday and lots of updates! I loved your reviews, they were great you guys! Sniff sniff and now, finally, the star of the show, the ghost of Okita Souji!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters. I also do not own 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens. Thank you. Who owns 'A Christmas Carol' anyway? Does anyone know?

* * *

Scene 3.

Music: Romantic music, usually associated with misty windows and cozy cushions is played, up and under.

Narrator#3: (Okay, the other guy was Gatotsued too…something about how a hen-pecked man like Saitoh was 3rd captain…anyway, back to the point) A few minutes later, Saitoh leaves his police station- What the heck? _His_ police station? I thought police stations belonged to the government!

Saitoh: (Looking dangerously cool) Well, I prefer to ah- spread my influence around my work place.

Narrator#3: So that makes it yours? And everyone working there aren't your colleagues, but your slaves? This isn't fair! What does the government say about this? Why are they turning a blind eye towards the blatant corruption right under their noses? Isn't the motto of the government 'To the people, by the people, for the people'? Wh-

Sickening sound of flesh tearing

Authoress: (In tears) I don't know how the Meiji era government worked! I'm not Japanese! I don't know my own history, forget yours! You're making me look bad! I never thought I'd have to answer another history question….

Saitoh: Calm down, I killed that ahou. Too idealistic. The place I work at becomes mine; anyone has a problem with that? (Looks at a long line of Narrators, who gulp and shake their heads)

Authoress: I beg to disagree. This fic is mine, Saitoh. Another word of rebellion and I'll drastically alter the story line! So no trouble, okay? Alright people, back to work! And somebody remove that body.

Scene 3, take 2!

Music: Romantic music, usually associated with misty windows and cozy cushions is played, up and under.

Narrator#4: A few minutes later, Saitoh leaves his police station and makes his way to his melancholy chambers, a gloomy suite of rooms. By the light of a single flickering candle, he eats his cold soba. And then, to save lighting his stove, Hajime Saitoh retires for the night.

(Music out) The minutes tick away. Saitoh sleeps uneasily, tossing from side to side.

Saitoh: Hold it! Just because I don't believe in this crappy day doesn't mean I live a miserable life, okay? And I should definitely have a bigger house! And cold soba? That's outrageous! And why the hell will I go to bed at 8?

Authoress: (Through gritted teeth) Saitoh…what did I say about my pathetic imagination?

Saitoh: I just-

Authoress: I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! SHUT UP AND STOP INTERRUPTING! I HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLES WITHOUT YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE POINTING OUT MY MISTAKES! YOU TRY ADAPTING THIS PLAY, MISTER!

Silence. More silence. Okay then….

Scene 3, take 3!

Narrator#4: A few minutes later, Saitoh leaves his police station and makes his way to his melancholy chambers, a gloomy suite of rooms. By the light of a single flickering candle, he eats his cold soba. And then, to save lighting his stove, Hajime Saitoh retires for the night.

(Music out) The minutes tick away. Saitoh sleeps uneasily, tossing from side to side.

Sound: Chains are dragged across the floor.

Narrator#4: Suddenly he awakes with a start. Walking towards him, and dragging a heavy chain, is a grey dim, figure of the most gorgeous guy the authoress has ever seen…. he stops at the foot the bed, looks towards the back stage, and winks. (Back stage, Authoress and millions of fan-girls swoon)

Saitoh: (Pissed off) who are you? What do you want with me? (Pause) Who are you? (Grumbling under his breath) Stupid show off. Like I don't know who you are.

Okita: Ask me who I _was_. (Whispering) Saitoh-san, you're supposed to act terrified, not like you'll eat the person in front of you. Not that you can eat me, because-

Saitoh: (Hissing) Shut up, Okita! (In a monotone voice) You're…you're…

Okita: Yes, in life, I was your partner, Okita Souji.

Saitoh: (In the same, dull voice) But it cannot be so. You're dead.

Okita: You don't believe me? (Whispering) you know, it's because I died that I'm a ghost.

Saitoh: I know, you little runt. (Aloud) No. you're nothing but an undigested bit of soba, a blot of sake, a bit of tofu.

Okita: (Eyes becoming big and glossy) that's all I am? Leftover bits of food? I'm so disappointed in you, Saitoh-san! I thought you liked me!

Saitoh: News-flash. I **don't** like you!

Okita: (Runs off stage, bawling his eyes out)

Everyone off stage: (glaring at Saitoh)

Saitoh: (Defensively) What?

Kenshin: (appearing out of nowhere) I believe you hurt his feelings, that I do.

Authoress: SAITOH, I HATE YOU! (Runs off to get Okita back)

Saitoh: Jeez, what's the big deal? That's what's written in the script! I can't help it if the guy's such a sap.

Kenshin: You could have been a little less brutal, Saitoh. You should not have said that you hated him.

Saitoh: Hey, I never said I hated him, I just said that I- well- um…okay, I see…

Brief interval again.

Scene 3, take 4!

Narrator#4: A few minutes later, Saitoh leaves his police station and makes his way to his melancholy chambers, a gloomy suite of rooms. By the light of a single flickering candle, he eats his cold soba. And then, to save lighting his stove, Hajime Saitoh retires for the night.

(Music out) The minutes tick away. Saitoh sleeps uneasily, tossing from side to side.

Sound: Chains are dragged across the floor.

Narrator#4: Suddenly he awakes with a start. Walking towards him, and dragging a heavy chain, is a grey dim, figure of the most gorgeous guy the authoress has ever seen…. he stops at the foot the bed.

Saitoh: (Pretending, but failing miserably to look scared) who are you? What do you want with me? (Pause) Who are you?

Okita: (Still looking kind of upset) ask me who I _was_.

Saitoh: You're…you're…

Okita: Yes, in life, I was your partner, Okita Souji.

Saitoh: But it cannot be so. You're dead.

Okita: You don't believe me?

Saitoh: No. You're just my cruddy imagination playing up again. (Snarling in the direction of the authoress) changed the lines, have you?

Okita: You are wrong, Saitoh-san. I'm the ghost of Okita Souji.

Saitoh: Why do you come to me?

Okita: It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow men and travel far and wide; and if the spirit does not go forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death.

Saitoh: No, I don't believe it. But then again, I was always a pompous, egoistical jerk who thought that everyone else was dirt. I realize I'm wrong. (Whispering) Now I _know_ everyone else is dirt. Earlier, I gave them the benefit of the doubt.

Okita: It is then doomed to wander through the world.

Saitoh: You are chained, Okita. Tell me why, as I am too stupid to realize on my own. (Grrrrrrrrrrrrr)

Okita: I wear the chain I forged in life. I made link by link, and yard by yard. I wore it of my own free will. Is the pattern too strange (Suppresses his giggling) for your extraordinarily thick head?

Saitoh: (Trembling, with rage, not fear) I don't understand, Okita. You know how dumb I am.

Okita: The chain I wear is as heavy as the one you're now forging.

Saitoh: You talk strangely, Okita. Can't you use plain language, which a country bumpkin like me can understand?

Okita: For years I have been dead- traveling the whole time. No rest, no peace. Only remorse.

Kenshin: (Backstage) Hey that's how I felt! Until I met Kaoru-dono, of course. She gave me-

Authoress: (Clamping her hand over his mouth) Continue!

Saitoh: But why, (Pause) guy who was oh-so-much-cooler-and-better than me during the Bakamatsu (A/N: Spelling?)?

Okita: You see, man has two choices. To be chained in life or death. I could have been chained in life by some woman. As I died young, I wouldn't have had a very bad life. At least I could have escaped early. (Sighs) But you, I have to warn you…to help you escape my fate. You have one chance left.

Saitoh: Tell me how this chance will come, (Pause) (Snarling) Oh supreme ruler of the planet!

Okita: My time draws near. I must go. Tonight you will be haunted by three spirits. The first will appear when the clock strikes one, expect the second at the stroke of two, and the third when the bell strikes three.

Saitoh: Couldn't I take them all at once and get it over with? (Hissing) Just like I'm gonna finish off the authoress?

Okita: No. And heed them when they appear. (Fading) Remember it is your last chance to escape my miserable fate. (Whispering) you'd better not, she might make you do ballet wearing a frilly pink tutu.

Saitoh: Point taken.

Authoress: Cut! Excellent! That was brilliant!

Saitoh: Edit- that- NOW.

Authoress: Apologize- to- Okita.

Saitoh: (Glares, but really has no choice) Oh alright, I'm sorry.

Okita: (Misty eyed) Aaaawwww, its okay, Saitoh-san. (Hugs the life out of him)

Authoress: Aaaawwww! That's so cute! Okay I'll edit it. And by the way, did anyone notice that Kenshin was not present in the first part of the show? He's not married and still so hen-pecked….

* * *

Aurora Whisperwind: That was a really long scene! 6 pages! I just want to re-assert that I love Saitoh and have nothing against him, but its real fun to ruin his life. Imagine him in a frilly pink tutu, it's scary….Muhuhahahahaha! Thank you all, for your wonderful reviews! And thank you to everyone who's added this story to their favorites list! And about the Saitoh and Kenshin explaining to Sano, I know I didn't clear that up properly then. See, Sano may be stupid, but not dumb enough to suspect the creepy possibility that something just _might_ be going on between them. They were just trying to clear that up, that's all. Next scene, the ghost of Tanabata past!

Read and review, please!


	4. Scene 4

**Aurora Whisperwind:** Hi people! I didn't get a lot of reviews, but the ones I got were so heart-warming, I feel so blessed…… Chapter 4, coming up! More Saitoh and Kenshin bashing…

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters. I also do not own 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens. Thank you.

* * *

_A pissed off looking Saitoh steps into the break room. Okita's floating around eating ghost popcorn. _

Okita: Hi Saitoh-san! You're early!

Saitoh: (Fiddling with a light bulb, trying to make it work) Shut up, ahou.

Okita: You're as pleasant as ever, I see. Anyway, I was watching some of our previous scenes, and I noticed that the Authoress spelt 'Bakumatsu' wrong. Why didn't you correct her?

Saitoh: Oh, in that case it _was_ the 'Bakamatsu'. See, that's why I'm alive and you're dead. 'The end of idiots' indeed.

_Before Okita can reply, the door opens again. Kenshin comes prancing in, a very inebriated Kenshin, fresh from washing the entire unit's laundry. _

Kenshin: Hello Saitoh, Okita! Isn't it a wonderful day? The sun's out and I found some wonderful flowers to arrange in the break room, see? (Producing a big bunch of daffodils) See how fresh they look? They remind me of the sun!

(Prances away again, singing 'A whole new world')

Okita: oO

Saitoh: Okay, maybe not all the idiots were taken care of….

Kenshin finishes up with his flowers, turns and spots Saitoh and Okita staring at him. He blinks, like he's just realized they were there.

Kenshin: Saitoh-san, I was looking all over for you!

Saitoh: Why do I feel nervous?

Okita: Maybe, because he called you Saitoh-_san_? Or that suspiciously starry look in his eyes? If I were you, I'd run….

Saitoh: (Backing away from a hyperactive Kenshin) Good point.

Kenshin: Wait, where are you going? I still haven't washed your clothes! Come back!

Saitoh: WHAT? BUT I'M WEARING THEM!

Kenshin: Surrender them! Muhuhahahahahahahahahaha! You can't escape!

_Starts running after Saitoh, catches him after a short chase, and is about to rip his clothes off when the door opens again and the Authoress, Sano, Aoshi and Yahiko walk in. _

Yahiko + Authoress: AAARGH! MY EYES! MY EYES! HENTAI! (Run off)

Aoshi: --

Sano: (Just stands there, grinning stupidly)

A long time later….

The light bulb flickers on magically. At that precise moment….

Sano: Oh my god! You two! You have something going on!

Crickets chirp. Anyway…

Scene 4!

Music: An ominous strain. Up and fade out under…

Narrator#4: As Saitoh stares in frightened silence (Saitoh yawns); the wraithlike figure of his deceased partner dissolves into space. Then, exhausted by the ordeal, Saitoh drops off to sleep. Twelve o' clock comes. Time passes. Then…

Sound: Off in the distance, a steeple clock strikes once.

Narrator#4: The curtains of Saitoh's bed are drawn aside, but by no visible hand. There by the bed stands an unearthly visitor….a strange figure- like a child. (Mutters) Yeah right, a ghost that looks like a child, like we don't know who it is…. (Back to normal tone) his hair is a bluish violet and long. And in his hand he holds a red rose. Saitoh stares and then speaks.

Saitoh: What's with the rose, Okita?

Okita: Hey that's not your line! And how'd you know it was me?

Saitoh: The flower was a dead give away.

Authoress: CUT! SAITOH, WHAT PART OF 'DON'T INTERRUPT' DO YOU NOT GET?

Saitoh: What kind of zilch budget are we working on?

Authoress: That's it, you're not getting paid.

Saitoh: I was getting paid?

Scene 4, take 2!

Narrator#4: The curtains of Saitoh's bed are drawn aside, but by no visible hand. There by the bed stands an unearthly visitor….a strange figure- like a child. His hair is a bluish violet and long. And in his hand he holds a red rose. Saitoh stares and then speaks.

Saitoh: Are you the spirit whose coming was told to me by Okita Souji?

First Ghost (a.k.a Okita): I am.

Saitoh: (looking extremely bored) who and what are you?

First Ghost: I am the ghost of Tanabata past.

Saitoh: Long past?

First Ghost: No, your past. Rise and walk with me.

Saitoh: Where?

First Ghost: Out through the window.

Saitoh: We are three storeys above ground, ahou. You'll fall.

First Ghost: Saitoh-san, I'm a ghost. I'll float.

Authoress: Please Saitoh, I'm begging you….

Saitoh: You are? Okay then, let me see….

Authoress: Oh Tokio, guess what Saitoh was saying about you just now…

Scene 4, take 3!

First Ghost: Out through the window.

Saitoh: (with a black eye) But we are three storeys above ground, I am only a mortal.

First Ghost: Bear but a touch of my hand upon your heart, and you shall be upheld in more than this.

Saitoh: What are we to do?

First Ghost: I am going to help melt your stony heart. Come! Walk with me out into the night….into the past.

Sound: Wind. It sweeps in; holds and then fades out.

Saitoh: Tell me, ghost of Tanabata past, where are we?

First Ghost: Look down, Hajime, and remember.

Saitoh: The river…the meadows and- why there's my old home. (whispering) Stop calling me Hajime.

First Ghost: It is Tanabata day. Let's look into this porch. (in a low voice) I can't help it, that's what's written in the script.

Saitoh: Uh, look at those shameless morons making out! In front of a child, that too! Ahous!

First Ghost: Do you recognize him?

Saitoh: Course I do. That's me.

First Ghost: Let's hear what he says.

Chibi-Saitoh: Uh, look at those shameless morons making out! In front of a child, that too! Ahous!

Saitoh: (smiles)

First Ghost: You haven't changed.

Saitoh: Nope.

First Ghost: That's not the point here. (sighs) I lose. Let's fast-forward.

Sound: Wind. It sweeps in; holds and then fades out.

First Ghost: The years have passed. Look at the garden below, look- there sits a young girl, a beautiful girl.

Saitoh: (Looks terrified) it's Kameko.

First Ghost: There, you're entering the garden. You're a young man now, a young man in your prime. Only now, your face begins to show the first signs of a slasher. There is a restless, wolfish look in your eyes. She looks delighted to see you. Let's see what she's saying to you.

Saitoh: Brrrrrrrrrr………..

Kameko: It matters very little to you, Hajime. You have another ideal, another goal. You hold your principle 'Aku Zoku Zan' above all else, even me. You wish to free yourself from marrying me.

Young Saitoh: Ah, yes the last point is true. But there are a few things I want to clear up with you. One, stop calling me Hajime. Two, anything on this planet is more important to me than you. And I never said I'd marry you and I never will, so give up already.

Kameko: (Takes out whip) NO WAY! I'M MARRYING YOU THIS SECOND!

Young Saitoh: You evil witch!

Kameko: YES INDEED! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME! MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Young Saitoh: (Sighs) Oh well, I really didn't want to do this but, 'Aku Zoku Zan'! (Gatotsues her)

First Ghost: WOO HOO! GO SAITOH-SAN! YOU SURE SHOWED THAT BITCH! I MEAN….

Authoress: (Sighs) Cut!

Scene 4, take 4!

Young Saitoh: (Sighs) Oh well, I really didn't want to do this but, 'Aku Zoku Zan'! (Gatotsues her)

Saitoh: spirit, show me no more…

First Ghost: You had a chance, Hajime. You had a chance to be ensnared, yet you did not take it. Do you not regret it?

Saitoh: Not one little bit.

First Ghost: I see I've lost. Let's go back.

Music: Ghostly theme. Up and fade under….

Okita: Jeez, how did you know that insane girl?

Saitoh: Oh, you don't wanna know….

Authoress: She's scary….

Kenshin: (Huddling in a corner oroing softly)

* * *

**Aurora Whisperwind:** It's not as funny, but it's the best I could come up with, as not much of Saitoh's childhood is known…But I swear, the next chapter will be funny! Anyway, what next? Saitoh beat the first ghost; will the ghost of Tanabata present soften his stone cold heart? The first part was something I just couldn't resist adding, after Rurouni-maxi corrected my spelling (Thanks!)… 

**Reviewer replies:**

**Lolo popoki:** Aaaawwww that was such a sweet review! This one feels so loved!

**Rurouni-maxi:** 'The end of idiots'? God, that was so embarrassing! (Giggles) Anyway, do you like the way I manipulated it? It's PMK Okita, by the way.

**Charmed wolf:** Hey you reviewed again! And yes, poor Saitoh…

**Jasmine Reinier: **Thanks for reviewing again. And your image of Saitoh was much more disturbing than the one I conjured up, Brrrrrrrrrr….. Anyway, please keep reading! I hope you enjoy the rest of this!

**Jester-chan:** Hi! Yes,I love Okita too! Isn't he just adorable...

Read and review, please!


	5. Scene 5, part one

**Aurora Whisperwind:** Aaaawwww, you guys are so sweet! Those reviews had me positively jumping around in joy!

**Disclaimer:** I'm sick and tired of saying this! I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters. I also do not own 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens. Happy?

* * *

Music: Ghostly theme. Up and fade under….

Scene 5, take 1!

Authoress: Wow, this narrator guy has lasted long, hasn't he?

Narrator#4: The steeple clock has just cough HACK cough aaaarrrrggghhhh!

_He dies. _

Authoress: Hmmm…..now how did that happen?

Scene 5, take 2!

Narrator#5: The steeple clock has just finished striking the second hour of Tanabata day. Saitoh finds himself back in his bed room. Mmmm, what I wouldn't give to be there…. (Finds everyone looking at him) What? What did I say?

Saitoh: May I?

Authoress: (Weakly) oh yes, do. Hentai….

_Slash. _

Okita: Wow, I never imagined that Saitoh-san could have a male admirer…

Narrator#5: Yes, at least in death Cough I'm blessed. This is a blissful way to die, after years of watching you from the shadows and wishing you would cough notice me. Finally, I got my life's desire….

Authoress: That was down right disturbing….

Scene 5, take 3!

Narrator#6: The steeple clock has just finished striking the second hour of Tanabata day. Saitoh finds himself back in his bed room. Slowly his door, though bolted, swings open (Music out)

Second ghost: (Trying desperately to make his voice big and booming) Good morning, Hajime. Welcome me. I am the ghost of Tanabata present. Look upon me.

Saitoh: (Flinging his script aside) that's it! Okita, listen to me. Stop calling me Hajime! And isn't it rude of you to say 'Welcome me'? And what's with the 'Good morning'? It's two in the morning for Kami's sake!

Authoress: Cut! Now Saitoh, now that you've raised all your 'objections', can we proceed?

Saitoh: So that's it? You're not going to do anything about it?

Authoress: Not a thing.

Saitoh: Grrrrr….

Scene 5, take 4!

Narrator#6: The steeple clock has just finished striking the second hour of Tanabata day. Saitoh finds himself back in his bed room. Slowly his door, though bolted, swings open (Music out)

Second ghost: (Forgetting all about the big booming part) Good morning, Hajime. Welcome me. I am the ghost of Tanabata present. Look upon me.

Saitoh: You're practically a giant. (Yeah right!) Yet you have a young face.

Second ghost: Have you never seen the likes of me before?

Saitoh: Never.

Second ghost: I have many brothers, over eighteen hundred of them, one for each Tanabata since the very first.

Saitoh: Are you here to take me with you?

Second ghost: Yes, I trust you will profit by your journey. Touch my robe, Hajime.

Chorus: (Mixed voices) Mushy songs, accompanied with smoochy sounds.

_The park, filled with young people, holding hands, making out and what not. _

Saitoh: Oh dear lord, not another mass make-out session!

Second ghost: It is, look at them, they're so happy.

Saitoh: I don't think they look happy.

Second ghost: Cough well, anyway, let's see another happy couple.

_Scene shifts to a handsome man meditating, Aoshi Shinomori. _

Second ghost: His young admirer should be here soon. Look at the light in his eyes when she comes, the cheer she spreads in the room. True love can purify anything and breathe life into the coldest of hearts.

Saitoh: Really….

Sound: Door opens really loudly, causing Aoshi to start.

Misao: Happy Tanabata, Aoshi-sama! I love you!

_Cannons into him._

Aoshi: (choking) Misao…let…go…can't breathe….X..X

Misao: Oopsie?

Saitoh: interesting…

Second ghost: Ahem, we have not much time left, and there's still another place we must visit. It is a very poor dojo in Tokyo. This one directly below us.

Saitoh: Indeed it is. Who, may I ask, lives here?

Second ghost: An underpaid clerk by the name of Kenshin Himura.

Saitoh: The Kenshin Himura who is employed by me?

Second ghost: The very same.

Saitoh: Hey what's he carrying?

Second ghost: some tofu, I believe. Look at him now, walking to a warm home and a happy family.

Sound: Door opens.

Kenshin: Good afternoon, everyone. (His violet eyes bulge at the scene before him)

_It's utter confusion. Yahiko and Yutaro are fighting, Kenji and Sanosuke are cheering. Kaoru is fighting with Megumi. Dishes are thrown, and dust starts to shake from the ceiling._

Saitoh: (Smugly) you were saying?

Second ghost: (Staring transfixed at the family)

Kenshin: Um…I'm home!

_Everybody stops fighting._

Kaoru: There you are! Where the heck were you when I needed you here? Did you bring the tofu?

Megumi: (smoothly) do you expect him to come home to you? He deserves a real woman, someone exciting like me. Isn't that right, Ken-san? (Familiar Fox-pose) Ohohohohohohohohohohohoho!

Kaoru: That's it, Megumi! Get out!

_Furious cat fight._

Yahiko and Yutaro: Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! He wants to steal my girlfriend! Your girlfriend? She doesn't like you! Why you!

_They start fighting again. _

Kenji: ….

Sanosuke: so buddy, why did you take this long? Having a little affair, huh?

Kenshin: Sano! Not in front of the children!

Sano: So you're having an affair?

Kenshin: Of course not!

Kaoru: What? You're having an affair?

Kenshin: No! Really! I'm not!

Kaoru: (Plainly not listening) How could you, Kenshin? After all we've been through!

Sano: What have you been through, Jou-chan? He's the only one who's been through anything!

Kaoru: You stay out of this, Sano!

_Mass confusion breaks out again, with everyone hitting everyone else._

Second ghost: Oh my god! We have to save him! He'll be killed by those insane morons!

Saitoh: who cares….

Authoress: This is getting out of hand... alright, cut! We'll film it later, cut! Someone sedate everyone except Kenshin!

A few hours later…

Kenshin: (Hit a thousand times with tofu buckets and bokkens) Ororororororororororororo...

Okita: (crooning over him) Oh you poor thing! No wonder you wanted to stay back in Saitoh's office!

Saitoh: I can't believe I'm saying this, but I feel sorry for him too.

Okita: Of course you would! You wouldn't be human if you don't!

Authoress: (coming over) we finally managed to sedate everyone. They really went out of control, didn't they?

Saitoh: Uh-huh.

Okita: Can I borrow your camera and time machine?

Authoress: sure thing.

Saitoh: what do you want those for?

Okita: Oh you'll see….you'll see.

* * *

Aurora Whisperwind: Next scene is the continuation of the Tanabata present! And what is Okita gonna do with his camera and time machine? Keep reading for more! Poor Aoshi…..poor Kenshin….

Reviewer replies-

**To lolo popoki:** Hey I never watched Fruits basket! Funny coincidence, huh? Thanks for such a lovely long review. Love ya!

**To Charmed wolf:** You're glad you decided to read my fic? That was so sweet, thank you!

**To Rurouni-maxi:** No, I'm not a fan of Kenshin-Saitoh pairing or anything like that. It's just that it's fun to ruin Saitoh's life! And how better to do it than pair him with Kenshin… you loved Chibi-Saitoh? He's cute isn't he?

**To Jasmine Reinier: **The hitokiri Stainmaster? Did you read that fic? You love Chibi-Saitoh too! I'm thinking to bring him back somehow… anyway, I loved your review, it gave me a major ego boost!

**To Umeko:** OMG! You're the author of 'Sake shack LIVE'! I loved it sooooooo much! And you think my fic is hilarious? Sniff I'm honored! Yes, I love Okita too! I'm obsessed with him nowadays, why, why does he have to die? It's not fair! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Anyway, I know Sano isn't that slow, but I just couldn't resist!


	6. Scene 5, part 2

**Aurora Whisperwind:** Mmmmmm… reviews…..

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Rurouni Kenshin or any of its characters. I also do not own 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens. Yawn….

* * *

_Everyone's arrived on the set except Okita, and Saitoh looks ready to blow his top…._

_ZORT._

_And with flash of blue, the above said ghost arrives clutching a camera and some photographs with he quickly hides. Okay then, let's skip the lecture and shoot…_

Scene 5, take 5!

Second ghost: There's still another place we must visit. It is a very poor dojo in Tokyo. This one directly below us.

Saitoh: Indeed it is. Who, may I ask, lives here?

Second ghost: An underpaid clerk by the name of Kenshin Himura.

Saitoh: The Kenshin Himura who is employed by me?

Second ghost: The very same.

Sound: Door opens.

Kenshin: (Looking extremely apprehensive) Good afternoon, everyone.

Kaoru: Koishii, you're home! I missed you so much!

_Runs to hug him, trips and falls on top of him. Fortunately Kenshin manages to be steady. _

Kenshin: (Choking slightly) Oro!

Kaoru: That's all you can say when I tell you I missed you? (Takes out bokken) Baka!

_Brief interval, where Kenshin and the narrator get hit a lot before the paramedics arrive._

Scene 5, take 6!

Sound: Door opens.

Kenshin: (Somewhat swirly-eyed) Good afternoon, everyone.

Kaoru: (Fuming) Koishii, you're home! I missed you so much!

_Hugs him, though judging by Kenshin's slightly blue face, we don't know…_

Yutaro + Yahiko: (Chanting sugarily) Father! You're home! Here, let me help you!

Kenji: Uh, you're back already?

Megumi: Hello Ken-san! (Sliding up to him 'Foxily' and whispering) Missed me?

Kenshin: Ahehehe….Ie…Megumi-dono…

Kaoru: (Casting a murderous look at Megumi) Dinner is ready anata, why don't you wash up?

Kenshin: (Panicked looking) Koishii, I'm really not that hungry…and besides, uh…I and Sano have something to do-

Music: War drums.

Kaoru: (Rabid Tanuki mode) WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN DINNER? I MADE IT WITH A LOT OF EFFORT, TOO! YOU'D BETTER NOT BE GAMBLING OR I SWEAR I'LL-

Kenshin: (Bursting in) No! It's not gambling! I have to pick up your gift-

Record needle scratches.

Kaoru: (Panting) Gift? Aaawww, that's such a sweet thought Kenshin! Of course you can go!

Kenshin: (Relief)

Kaoru: But only after dinner!

Kenshin: (Relief gone)

Saitoh: Oh yes, spirit, this scene has showed me the error of my ways.

Second ghost: (Incredulously) it has?

Saitoh: I should keep Kenshin in the office….

Okita: (recovering from his shock and putting on a vixenish face which would've put Megumi to shame) Oooooh, so you finally admit you like him…

Saitoh: (Raises his eyebrows) Well he's at least better than you. I wish he was on our side and you weren't. I mean he had some sense…

Okita: What? But why?

Authoress: Cut! Saitoh, apologize!

Saitoh: And why should I do that?

Authoress: Because you hurt Okita!

Okita: That won't be necessary. (Taking out something from his Gi) I didn't want to use it, but I guess I have no choice. Behold, the ultimate blackmail weapon! Baby pictures of Saitoh-san that I took on my trip back in time! And he's only half-dressed…

All the females on the set: GASP!

Okita: (Whipping them out with a flourish)

Females: GASP!

Saitoh: (right behind Okita, chanting) Aku Zoku Zan. Aku Zoku Zan. Aku Zoku Zan. Aku Zoku Zan. Aku Zoku Zan. Aku Zoku Zan. Aku Zoku Zan. Aku Zoku Zan. Aku Zoku Zan. Aku Zoku Zan. Aku Zoku Zan. Aku Zoku Zan. No wait- Okita Zoku Zan. Okita Zoku Zan. Okita Zoku Zan. Okita Zoku Zan. Okita Zoku Zan. (Draws sword but is stopped by Kenshin who's peering curiously at the photo)

Kenshin: I don't think that's Saitoh, that I don't.

Females: GASP!

Okita: Of course it is, see?

_He thrusts it at Kenshin and Saitoh. It is a picture of a little boy dressed in nothing but a tiny Gi playing with a stick. He has bluish violet hair and a beautiful face. _

Saitoh: This is you, ahou.

Okita: What? Oh… wait I must have taken out the wrong picture, where are your pictures? Did I leave them at the developers? I wonder if I still-

_Breaks off, because every woman is eyeing him with a glazed look in her eyes. _

Authoress: Hold it! You guys (Pointing at Kaoru, Tokio and Misao) can't have him! Because all these incredible hot anime guys _and_ Saitoh belong to you already!

Kaoru + Misao: Aaawww crap!

Tokio: No! It's not fair!

Saitoh: (Fume….)

Authoress: You can come along Megumi, coz you're so sluttish anyway. He's all ours!

Okita fan club: Hey, what about us?

Authoress: I guess we can share….

_Taking out cans of whipped cream and strawberries, they advance towards an unperturbed Okita._

Authoress: CHARGE!

Megumi: CHARGE!

Okita fan club: CHARGE!

_They rush straight through Okita who gives them an impish smile._

Okita: I'm sorry ladies, but you'll have to die to get me….

Authoress: No we don't. Girls, to the time machine! Let's ravage the past of Okita Souji! And while we're there, let's ravage Battosai!

Okita + Kenshin: (Blink blink)

Saitoh: (Fume….)

Several hours later.

_A swirly eyed authoress emerges from the machine and collapses._

Okita: What's with her?

Tokio: She's probably exhausted. Sometimes, the feel of being near the man is enough to make you swoon.

Saitoh: Really? Did it ever happen to you?

Tokio: (looks up for a minute, staring, and then laughs) Oh, honey.

Saitoh: Grrrrr….

_Okita laughs and falls off the stage._

Kenshin?

* * *

Aurora Whisperwind: I'm so mean to Saitoh! But I just couldn't help it! Scene 5 is still not done, but… anyways, I'm thinking of having an awards ceremony! Who do you think should win the best actor? VOTE! THE DECISION LIES IN YOUR HANDS! Read and review! And thank you to all my faithful reviewers! You guy are the best!

lolo popoki: So what do you think of Okita's little gig?

Umeko: Hey I already read your Japan bulletin and New Kyoto post! But I thought you were called senbi! I love Umeko's advice column, especially when Okita finds out about Soujiro….

Charmed wolf: You are so sweet! I think I'm the one who's charmed!

Jasmine Reinier: You've drawn him? That is so cool!

Rurouni-maxi: Aaawww thank you so much! Keep reviewing, please!


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